


set my heart on fire

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slight Smut, domestic joshler, i won't add more tags because i refuse to give the plot away, im not really sure how i feel about this but let's roll with it, the flashbacks ARE IMPORTANT
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 10:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8663401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: josh and tyler. tyler and josh.that's the way it's always been, but josh doesn't know if it'll continue to be that way.





	1. one

Tyler comes home late.

In fact, he's been coming home late almost every night for the past month.

Josh is washing dishes when hears the door opening and closing softly, as though the person closing the door was hoping to be unnoticeable.

Josh notices. He always does.

"Hey baby," Josh says without turning to see the younger boy, knowing he startled him. The water rushes out of the faucet as Josh reaches to clean a dirtied pan.

"Oh, hey babe," Tyler replies, voice calming slightly. "I wasn't expecting you to be up this late."

Josh smiles to himself, but the smile lacks any happiness behind it. A record plays from their living room, one of Josh's favorites, and it's the only sound that exists between them nowadays.

"I wasn't expecting myself to be up this late either," Josh places the now clean pan onto a metal rack next to other drying dishes. "But I found myself getting a little carried away in the kitchen." He chuckles softly.

Tyler smiles, well aware of his boyfriend's love for cooking. His mind takes him back to four years ago, just a few months after he and Josh bought their house.

 

_Josh had been the one to do most of the tax and homeowners paperwork, and had been so stressed over it for the past few days that he was losing sleep over it._

_It was one of those nights, and Tyler had somehow managed to get Josh to bed. Josh laid on his back, pulling Tyler into his chest. He stared at the ceiling._

_"The insurance forms are due on the 6th, and we meet with the label on the 5th and-"_

_"Joshie," Tyler coos, curling closer to him. "We'll be okay, you're doing so great. We'll have everything done and we'll laugh over how stressed we were about it."_

_Josh smiles, and Tyler beams as it grows into a grin._

_"I'm sorry, I know I've been a pain in the ass lately." Josh says, kissing Tyler on the top of the head._

_"Only a little bit." Tyler replies, chuckling while Josh lets out a genuine laugh Tyler feels he hasn't heard in weeks._

_"I love you so much, Ty." Josh says, hit with a sudden wave of exhaustion._

_Tyler traces patterns on Josh's bare chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. He hears Josh's light snores and smiles._

_"I love you, Josh."_

_The next morning, Tyler wakes up to the smell of bacon. He rubs his eyes and heads down the hallway into the kitchen. A song plays from their living room, it's one from an old record Josh found at a thrift store and insisted they'd buy it._

_"Morning, baby." Josh says, looking rested. He's only in striped boxers, holding a plate of perfect looking pancakes in one hand and a spatula in the other._

_"Morning. May I kiss the chef?" Tyler asks, earning a chuckle from Josh. He makes his way over to the older boy, who's placing two plates with neat stacks onto the table._

_Once everything is set, Josh turns to meet Tyler. He's smiling, with a hint of lust gleaming in his eyes. He reaches and kisses Tyler, smiling as they pull away._

_Tyler sits down and takes a sip from his coffee. He decides that he'll take Josh out today._

_"Baby," Tyler says, earning a muffled 'hmph' from the boy stuffing his face next to him. "Let's go to IKEA today. I know it's out of Columbus but I really think we should go."_

_"Sure babe, let's go."_

_After they eat, Tyler and Josh get ready to head out. Josh decides to leave the record on. While he drives, Josh hums to the tune of the record and reaches over to hold Tyler's hand._

_At IKEA, Tyler takes the lead, knowing exactly which section he wants to go to. Despite minor setbacks, Josh getting lost, Tyler going in the wrong direction, both getting distracted by couches, they made their way to their goal._

_Tyler smiles as he watches his boyfriend's eyes grow wide. They made it to the kitchen section._

_Josh grabs Tyler's hand, nearly dragging him around every aisle. Tyler takes mental notes of all the things Josh looks at, already having ideas for Christmas gifts._

_Josh gasps. Tyler looks over, concern growing before it falters and a grin grows on his face._

_It's a pot and pan set in Josh's favorite color, a deep shade of red._

_"I need it, Ty. I really do. It'll look so nice in the kitchen now that we painted it and it's so red and-" He glances over to Tyler, who only nods and grins as Josh happily places it into their cart._

_They decide to buy a large mirror for their bedroom and new curtains for their living room. Once everything is payed for and in their car, Josh grabs Tyler's hand._

_"Thank you for today Ty, I really needed this."_

_Tyler smiles. "I know you did. If I had let you stay cooped up in the house any longer, I was afraid you'd never see the light of day again."_

_They laugh, and Tyler looks at Josh as he glows in the light of the sun. He swears he's never seen anyone more beautiful than Josh._

_As they drive back into Columbus, Josh reaches over but lets his hand rest on Tyler's thigh. They sing along to a song on the radio and talk about ideas for dinner. Josh squeezes Tyler's thigh, shamelessly letting his hands move up slightly. Tyler looks over at Josh, who meets his eyes with a look that lets Tyler know he's in for a good night._

_Tyler's never felt so in love._

 

Tyler's pulled away from his nostalgia by the sound of the faucet stopping. He realizes he's been standing in the walkway of the kitchen, and looks up at Josh, who's drying his hands with a dish towel. The red pots and pans shine in the dish rack, and Tyler suddenly feels sad.

"I made you a plate if you're hungry," Josh says, voice lacking emotion. "Do you want me to heat it up for you?"

"N-No, I'm good. Thank you, Josh." Tyler replies, taking off his coat and setting it over his chair. Josh only nods, and goes to the living room to take the needle of of the record before making his way to their bedroom.

Tyler hears the water run from their bathroom. He walks over to the refrigerator, grabbing a drink. Before he closes the fridge, he looks at the plate Josh made him and his heart sinks.

Josh made Tyler's favorite food for dinner.

Guilt is all Tyler feels.


	2. two

Josh's favorite time of year is approaching. The temperatures have dropped, lights and wreaths made their way around the homes of the city, and the sense of festivity has become present.

He and Tyler continued their tradition of visiting both sides of the family for Thanksgiving, not surprised that after leaving Tyler's parents house that night, Tyler had left the house.

He was surprised, however, about the amount of affection Tyler had been showing him lately.

After one of Tyler's late nights, he comes home with a bouquet of flowers. Josh is playing on his practice pad in the living room, music blaring loudly through his phone. He barely notices Tyler.

Once he does, Josh pauses the music on his phone, looking up at Tyler. "Hey, Ty."

"Hey babe," Tyler replies, walking over to Josh. "I got these for you."

The bouquet is beautiful, consisting of white peonies and pink snapdragons. Josh smiles, peonies are his favorite flower.

"Thank you baby," Josh replies, surprise evident in his tone. He stands, taking the flowers. "They're beautiful."

Tyler reaches in, kissing Josh deeply. When they pull apart, Tyler smiles at Josh. The affection is all too foreign to Josh, but he smiles regardless.

Tyler leads him to their bedroom down the hallway. Their large bed is in the center of the room with a black wooden headboard, covered by a grey and white duvet. The bathroom matches the simple color scheme, which is where Tyler leads Josh.

They shower together, something they haven't done in a long time. Tyler steps in first, taking Josh's hand as the warm water hits their skin. Tyler rubs shampoo into Josh's faded pink hair, tugging in a way he knows drives Josh crazy.

After their hair is clean and both are completely turned on, Josh reaches for the soap and begins lathering it in his hands. Josh decides that maybe his worry for losing his boyfriend is unnecessary, and begins to return the long sought affection. He rubs soap along his boyfriend's shoulders and down his back slowly, memorizing every inch of Tyler's skin. He kisses Tyler's neck and feels Tyler lean his hips into his.

They make love that night, and it's been so long since they have that they don't last long with one another. Their love is wet and messy, eyes locked on each other's, blown with desire. Josh enters Tyler and rocks gently into him, moaning as he leans down to let their lips meet. He picks up his pace, and every time he does Tyler's moans grow louder.

"J-Josh," Tyler pants. "I love you. Oh my God, _Josh_."

Josh comes before Tyler does, releasing a low moan as he reaches down to kiss Tyler once more. He continues moving into Tyler, stroking him as they kiss.

Tyler moans, chanting Josh's name until he comes. Josh decides that there is no better sound than the sound of Tyler moaning his name.

"I love you baby," Josh says, sliding out of Tyler. They share a quick kiss before getting up to clean themselves. Tyler throws a pair of boxers at Josh and slides a pair of his own on before crawling into bed again.

Most nights, they sleep on their sides of the bed without touching. Some nights, Josh can feel Tyler move closer to him. Other nights, he finds himself wrapping his arms around Tyler. This time, it's Tyler that holds Josh. His arms are wrapped around Josh's waist, and Josh is tucked into Tyler's chest.

They kiss once more before drifting to sleep. Josh dreams of Christmas. Tyler dreams of dark rooms with echoing voices.

When they wake, Tyler's still clinging to Josh. Everything is warm to Josh, and everything feels okay. To him, it's been so long since everything felt okay.

"Mornin' baby," Tyler says, shifting towards his side of the bed to lay on his back. He looks at Josh, an unspoken conversation, and soon Josh is shifting over to curl next to Tyler.

"Remember that one year we decorated for Christmas? When I insisted we put lights around every window?" Josh asks, gazing in thought.

Tyler chuckles. "How could I forget? I saved you from almost falling like, three times."

Josh laughs, mind wandering to this time of year about three years ago.

 

_"Joshie, Thanksgiving was two days ago."_

_Josh is currently hanging up a string of white lights around the window frame of their living room. Boxes labelled "XMAS DECORATIONS" are scattered across the floor, and the record that normally plays has been replaced with the Very Best of Christmas vinyl._

_Tyler looks up at Josh, who is now standing on the couch in an effort to reach the top corner of the curtain rod. He's wearing a grey sweater with a Christmas tree in the center with multicolored lights lining it. Tyler can't help but laugh._

_"Ty, it is never too early to get ready for Christmas." Josh says without looking at him, taking a step down from the couch to admire his progress. "I've been ready for Christmas since last Christmas."_

_Josh turns and grins at his boyfriend. From the kitchen, the timer on the oven has gone off, grabbing Josh's attention._

_"Oh, the cookies are ready!"_

_Tyler and Josh spend the rest of the day decorating the inside of their home. They eat cookies and leftover turkey and stuffing from Tyler's parents Thanksgiving dinner while deciding where they want to place the tree at._

_"We can put it in the right corner of the living room, by the couches. How does that sound?" Josh asks, taking a sip of his drink._

_"Actually, I think that's a perfect idea." Tyler replies. "Are we getting a fake tree this year, or a real one?"_

_"I'm offended that you'd even suggest us getting a fake one." Josh states, gasping dramatically, making Tyler laugh. "We can go pick one out tomorrow after we visit my brother."_

_After they eat, Tyler washes dishes while Josh goes back to decorating. Once he hears the faucet turn off, Josh calls for Tyler._

_"Yeah babe?" Tyler replies, walking into the living room. Josh makes his way over to Tyler, grabbing his hands and pulling him. A slower Christmas song begins to play._

_"Dance with me baby," Josh says, pulling Tyler closer while they begin to sway. They move softly, careful to avoid tripping over boxes and bundles of lights on the floor. Tyler meets Josh's eyes and smiles, overwhelmed with love._

_There's something magical about the moment, Tyler thinks, as they sway to the melody. Josh's hand rests on the small of Tyler's back while Tyler's rests on Josh's shoulder._

_"I'm happy we can spend this Christmas at home," Tyler says. "I love seeing you like this."_

_Josh smiles, kissing the top of Tyler's head. "I am too. I used to dream about this you know?"_

_Their eyes meet, Tyler's full of wonder. "What do you mean?"_

_"This," Josh says simply, not breaking their gaze. "Having a home with you, celebrating holidays together; I used to think it was all impossible since we'd tour often, but I'm so happy we're able to have this. This is all I've ever wanted, you and I."_

_Tyler is grinning, his admiration for Josh soaring. Josh admitting his feelings wasn't a common occurrence, but it was in these moments that Josh allowed himself to open up and become vulnerable. He smiles at Tyler, and reaches in to kiss him._

_The song ends, and soon Rocking Around the Christmas Tree begins to play. Tyler reaches in to kiss Josh once more before they return to finishing decorating around the house. Though they're not in the same room, they sing loudly to each other and occasionally check in to see the other's progress and to make out._

_Nothing makes Josh happier than this._

 

"Come home early today baby," Josh says, breaking the moment of silence as he comes back from his memory. "Let's decorate together."

Tyler smiles, reaching over to kiss Josh deeply. He can feel himself getting worked up all over again.

"I won't be long at all, I told Zack I'd meet him so we could shop for mom's birthday." Tyler says. "I'll be home right after."

It's been long since Josh has felt a connection between Tyler. He can't help but smile, because _finally_ , things are starting to feel normal again.

Tyler gets ready to leave. Before he does, he pulls Josh in for a long kiss.

Josh waves by the door, watching his boyfriend drive away.

At 3, Josh debates on texting Tyler. At 3:30, he does.

At 5, Josh decides to make dinner to take his mind off his anticipation.

At 7, Josh wraps Tyler's plate in cellophane and puts it in the fridge for him to come home to.

At 8, Josh gives up waiting. He decorates alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello  
> wanna know a secret? this was my first time writing anything smut related  
> i hope it was okay, but if it's trash let me know  
> thanksgiving break is over now and i'm emo about it  
> i'll try to update as quickly as possible!!  
> thank you for reading friends!


	3. three

"What are you making for dinner today, babe?" Tyler asks, taking a seat at the table.

"I'm not sure yet, maybe an Asian dish," Josh says, talking more to himself than to his boyfriend. He goes through the pantry, eyeing for ingredients. "I didn't think you'd be here, so you can choose."

Tyler doesn't respond. He doesn't know how to.

Guilty, guilty, guilty. It's all Tyler ever feels anymore.

Josh didn't speak to Tyler the following morning after the day they planned to decorate. In fact, Tyler woke up to an empty house and a text that simply read _'i'm out. be home later'._

He did nothing to stop the tears that fell on his face.

Tyler rolled over to Josh's side of the bed, slightly clinging to the older boy's pillow. Tyler inhaled his scent and continued to cry, wishing more than ever for Josh to be there, to be holding him like he used to, to be in love like they used to be.

He remembers the night Josh asked him to be his boyfriend, after a show in San Diego. It's one of the best days of his life.

 

_"We're Twenty One Pilots, and so are you." Tyler says, breathless from Trees. "Every single one of you. Thank you."_

_Tyler reaches for Josh's hand, interlocking their fingers as they bow. The crowd roars. Tyler grins as he looks to the thousands of faces and when he turns to glance at Josh, who's decorated with pieces of confetti._

_Before he knows it, Josh is leaning closer to him. Their eyes meet and Tyler's so thankful no one can tell he's blushing._

_Josh grabs the mic from Tyler's hand, and brings it close to his lips. "Wait, before everyone leaves, I have something I'd like to ask."_

_Tyler looks at him, confusion evident on his face. The faces in the crowd turn their attention to the drummer._

_"Tyler," Josh starts, beginning to look nervous. "I-It's taken me years to have the courage to do this, but I know that I want nothing else."_

_The crowd begins to cheer. Someone in the crowd screams "JOSHLER", making Josh laugh. Tyler's blush darkens._

_"Will you be my boyfriend?" Josh asks. The volume of the crowd intensifies. "I-If you don't want to it's okay, just know I'll be really embarrassed because I said this in front of thousands of people and I-"_

_Tyler's kissing Josh._

_Once he realizes what's happening, Josh is kissing Tyler back. When they pull away, Tyler only nods at Josh, and kisses him once more. The crowd is cheering, whistling and clapping. The boys bow once more, and head off stage, fingers locked._

_After taking down the stage and everything's ready for tomorrow's show, everyone heads to the bus. Tyler declares that he's the first to shower, and once he's out Josh does the same. After, Tyler and Josh throw themselves onto the bus' couch, deciding to watch Netflix._

_Josh sits up, Tyler rests his head on Josh's thigh and his thin legs are extended on the couch._

_"Josh," Tyler says after a moment of silence. "Now that we're a couple, I want you to know, I've felt this way about you since we met that night all those years ago. I always have."_

_Josh is smiling, glancing down at Tyler. "I knew I was into you after that night we spent in your basement talking about the future. My feelings have only intensified since then. I wanted to ask you that night and everyday since then, but I was too much of a chicken."_

_"What made tonight the night?" Tyler asks, meeting Josh's warm gaze._

_"It's a lame reason. Two reasons, actually." Josh replies. "One, Mark told me I wouldn't live with myself if I continued to wait,"_

_"And I was right!" Mark shouts from his bunk, making the boys laugh._

_"And two, because I realized that I didn't want to see you with anyone else." Josh looks away from Tyler. "I know that's selfish, but it made me realize that I needed to take the chance or else I'd spend my life wondering if you felt the same way."_

_"But now I know," Josh adds. "I know and Ty, I can't tell you how happy I am. I was terrified tonight."_

_"Can't resist a guy as attractive as you, Joshie." Tyler jokes, making Josh laugh deeply. "I'm so happy you feel the same way, too. Now I can kiss you and be clingy all I want."_

_Josh laughs. "I'd love that."_

_They fall asleep in each other's arms that night. Tyler decides that to him, his home is in Josh's arms._

 

Tyler still feels that way, even now. On good nights, Josh's arms would rest around Tyler's waist as they watched TV or laid in bed before going to sleep. On nights Tyler spent gripping the sheets while moaning Josh's name, Josh's arms would caress and ignite Tyler's skin. On bad nights, Josh's arms would anchor Tyler back to him when his thoughts would manifest into demons.

Now, Tyler's not sure if he'll ever get that back. He knows he doesn't deserve it.

"W-What if we go out to eat tonight?" Tyler says, resurfacing into the reality before him. The record plays in the living room softly. "We can try that new Japanese place that opened downtown, I know you've been wanting to go there."

For the first time in a few days, Josh's eyes soften.

"I think that sounds great," He replies, giving Tyler a small smile. "Let me get my coat."

Josh makes his way to their bedroom. Tyler stands up and turns off the kitchen light, grabbing his jacket and keys. He takes the needle off of the record.

Josh locks the front door and they head out into the chilly Columbus air. They decide to take Tyler's car and Tyler quickly starts the car to turn the heater on.

In the passenger seat, Josh smells an unrecognizable scent. It smells flowery, like gardenia. He pretends he doesn't smell it.

They talk about songs they've been writing, and make plans to visit the studio to record more. Tyler reaches over and grabs Josh's hand and their fingers intertwine. It reminds Tyler of the night in San Diego.

He enjoys the rare moments of normalcy that exist between them, moments when they can forget that their relationship doesn't feel the same because it does feel the same, at least for that moment. But, when Tyler realizes that it's only moments that exist between them, waves of regret begin to hit him.

He squeezes Josh's hand and glances over to smile at the boy as they continue to drive. Tyler decides that he'll take the brief moments over not having Josh at all.

They arrive at the restaurant, and are seated in a small booth next to a window that reflects the Main Street Bridge and the Scioto River. They order their food and sit in silence, Josh looking around at the art on the restaurant's walls and Tyler studying the boy before him.

He can't help but feel nostalgic for the past, when they'd go out often to explore new places or try new restaurants so Josh could find new recipes to make at home.

Now, it's only Tyler that leaves.

"Hey, Ty," Josh says, looking at his boyfriend. "I was wondering if you maybe wanted to take a trip with me to LA for New Years? I've been wanting to go back for a while, to see Jesse and Debby."

Tyler feels sour at Josh mentioning Debby.

Before he can ask, their server places their food on the table. Josh smiles, thanking her. Tyler swears he can see her blush, and the acid continues to grow in his stomach. Nothing got to Tyler as easy as jealousy did.

Except for his constant guilt.

"Why would we see Debby?" Tyler asks, not bothering to hide the sharp tone in his voice.

The look Josh gives him sends another wave of regret. In his mind, all Tyler hears is apologies he wishes he could say.

"If you don't want to see her, that's fine. I just don't ever get to see anyone anymore, so I thought the trip would be nice." Josh retorts, making Tyler feel worse. "If you don't want to go, it's okay. I know you're always out of the house so I understand if you want to stay home this time."

And just like before, Tyler doesn't know how to respond. They eat in silence.

They drive home in silence, too. The radio plays, but neither of them pay any attention to it. Josh can't focus on anything but the gardenia scent. Tyler uses focusing on the road as a distraction to thinking about his failures as a boyfriend.

Josh wonders if they'll ever make it work again, if they'll ever feel the way they used to.

Tyler wonders if Josh will ever forgive him for everything he's done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know how i feel about this chapter ugh  
> if you hated it please let me know, or if you liked it let me know too!  
> i've already started to write chapter 4, and i hope to post it either tomorrow or monday!!!  
> (i really hope i can stick to that)  
> thank you friends. ♥


	4. four

It's an early Sunday morning, and Josh finds himself wide awake. The sun is shining through the window, casting light over the boy sleeping next to him.

Tyler is curled up in the layers of blankets they slept in since the temperatures dropped last night. His hair is messy and he has hints of stubble forming on his chin and along his jaw. In the sunlight, he appears to be glowing. Josh smiles, and reaches over to kiss the top of his head.

Just as Josh sits up to get out of bed, he feels a hand tugging on his shirt.

"Baby," Tyler murmurs, eyes still closed. "Come hold me."

Josh is chuckling now, trying to forget the voice in his head that reminds him of how angry he is with Tyler. He decides that in this moment, it's okay to ignore it. He lays back down, pulling the blanket over him and feeling welcomed by its warmth. He moves closer to Tyler, who's immediately moved closer to Josh, resting his head on Josh's chest.

"You're so warm, J." Tyler mumbles, still refusing to open his eyes. He reaches closer into Josh, as though trying to feel all of the older boy's warmth. "Gosh, you're like the sun. Beautiful, bright, and warm."

Josh can't help the grin that spreads across his face. His arms secure Tyler in place, and he smells their shampoo in Tyler's hair and the fabric softener they use for their sheets. Everything feels so good. Josh decides that he wouldn't mind spending the day just like this.

They lay in silence. Josh rubs Tyler's back in a circular motion, creating more warmth. The sun is beginning to creep out more, making Tyler appear angelic. Josh almost wishes he could take a picture. His heart reminds him of the pain Tyler causes him and decides to continue ignoring it. Josh knows that, despite what his heart and brain fight him about, he'll always prefer moments like these with Tyler, even if they are only temporary.

"J," Tyler says softly. His eyes are open now, fixed in the direction he's laying in but deep in thought. "I know you're upset with me. I know you have been upset with me for a while now."

Josh struggles to find a way to respond without being rude. He wants to talk to Tyler, to truly connect and move past this rocky time.

He wants their love to feel the way it used to.

"I have been." Is all he replies with.

"Tell me how you feel baby, I want this to get past us." Tyler says in a soft tone. He curls closer to Josh, who begins to feel less upset towards the boy in his arms. He wants to get past it just as much as Josh does.

"I try to not intrude into what you do on your own time, I want to always respect your privacy." Josh starts, running his hands through Tyler's hair. "But you're rarely here. Sometimes, when you are here, it's as though you're a stranger rather than my best friend."

"I worry about us, Ty. I get so scared that maybe we're falling out of love but I _know_ that's impossible because even after you've been gone, once you come home and I see you I feel crazy about you all over again. I miss us. You've been so distant ever since we got home from tour. Why? Did something happen between us that I'm not aware of?"

Josh can feel himself on the verge of tears, but he stays composed. Tyler, on the other hand, is sniffling as he clutches Josh.

"I don't want to lose you Josh. I-I love you so much, please don't think I'm not as in love with you as I was when we first met. I always will be." Tyler chokes out, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Where do you go baby? Is there someone else? Is it me?" Josh's voice wavers, tears falling onto his cheeks. "I get so worried about you when you're gone and sometimes you won't even reply to me and that only makes me worry more. I really don't want to intrude, but I'd like to at least know so that I know you're safe, that's my only priority."

Tyler's sobbing, his grip on Josh almost painful. Josh rubs his back in small circles, kissing the top of his head. His tears continue to fall, and he knows he's not ready for the answer Tyler may give him.

"It started as just a thing that would happen once a week." Tyler starts. Josh can feel his chest tighten. "I like to walk, explore. It helps with writing, you know. But, I-I've been having problems with the album. I'm scared I won't be able to write something good enough for the fans."

"I know I'm a horrible boyfriend baby, I'm so sorry for making you worry. I just need the time to see things, find inspiration. I'm so sorry it spiraled out into this. You have no idea how much regret I have, J." The tone in Tyler's voice changes. Josh pretends not to notice. Instead, he continues rubbing Tyler's back.

"That's all you had to tell me, baby. Just so I knew you were okay." Josh says, voice soft. "I understand you like solitude."

A moment of silence passes between them. The sun is as bright as ever. From the window, birds chirp and a car passes by. The house is silent.

"I'm sorry for getting tears all over your chest." Tyler says, chuckling. Josh's laugh echoes through the room.

"S'okay baby boy," Josh replies. "I think I'm going to make pancakes. Does that sound okay?"

Tyler leans up, kissing him softly. "I think that sounds wonderful."

 

The Joseph-Dun home is a one story home, light blue with a small set of stairs that lead to a patio and a large white door. A bright holly green wreath with red ribbon hangs from the center of the door. White string lights wrap around the main column of the patio's balcony. Dark grey patio chairs sit on the patio in front of a large window. A bare tree sits in the center of their front yard, surrounded by a lining of stones. Tyler's Jeep sits on the left side of the driveway, while Josh's Range Rover sits on the right.

They almost didn't pick the home, but something about it made Tyler sign immediately after seeing it.

_It was day three into their house hunting, and Tyler was growing discouraged._

_"We can live anywhere you want baby, we don't have to limit ourselves to home." He says, turning his blinker on as he follows their realtor._

_"I know, but this is what we agreed on." Josh replies. He reaches over to grab Tyler's hand, smiling as he feels their fingers intertwine. "I know it's been a stressful process but it'll be worth it, I promise."_

_Tyler looks over and smiles, squeezing Josh's hand lightly._

_When their realtor led them to the next house on their hunt, Tyler gasped._

_There it was, the single story home with a patio and a small staircase._

_He read on homeowner blogs about what it feels like to finally find the right home, but Tyler never thought he'd feel it. Now, as he's parking in the driveway, it's the only thing he feels._

_"What do you think about this one, baby?" Josh asks, completely oblivious to Tyler's reaction to the house. "It's a larger one story home, but well within our price range. And it has a front patio, just like you wanted!"_

_"I think this is the one, J." Is all Tyler says. "I can feel it."_

_Their first night in the home was special. They had only moved the large furniture into their bedroom and half of the living room, and boxes were scattered along the floor of almost every room._

_Their first dinner was takeout, which they ate on the floor of their soon-to-be dining room with a candle lit between them. The record player was one of the first things Josh unpacked, and his favorite vinyl played from the living room._

_"I can't tell you how happy I am baby," Josh says, throwing away their takeout boxes. "This is a new chapter in our life, and I can't wait to see the next ones to come."_

_Tyler smiles. Josh leads him to their bedroom, which consisted of only their bed, and pushes Tyler down onto it._

_"I love you, J." Tyler says, whimpering as Josh kisses down his neck. "I want to be here with you forever."_

_"Forever you say?" Josh asks, moving back up to let his lips meet Tyler's. "Well lucky for you, I want to be here forever with you, too. Always, baby boy."_

_"Always,"_

 

After breakfast they make their way back to the bedroom, tucking themselves back into the warmth of the covers.

Josh holds Tyler close, as though he'll slip away if Josh doesn't hold tight enough.

"I love you so much, Tyler," Josh whispers, kissing the top of Tyler's head. "I love you and I promise I'll never stop loving you. You are every missing piece of me."

Tyler smiles, inhaling the scent of Josh, a mix of fabric softener, coffee, and pancake syrup.

"I love you, Joshie. I couldn't stop loving you. You're just so hot you know?"

Tyler can feel Josh's laugh, deep and lively. From his nightstand, his phone rings.

Josh reaches over to grab it and hand it over to Tyler, but Tyler quickly reaches for it, ending the call and turning off his phone.

"Who was it?" Josh asks, trying hard to ignore his feelings of disbelief.

"No one important," Tyler replies, setting his phone back on the nightstand.

He readjusts himself in Josh's arms, and acts as though the phone call never happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o my gosh hi  
> i know in the last chapter i said chapter four would be up by monday but that obviously didn't happen and IM SORRY  
> but  
> the semester is over and that means (hopefully) frequent updates!  
> thank you for bearing with me and my slow updates friends!


	5. five

Though most of what he told Josh Sunday morning was lies, Tyler really was struggling with the album. He wanted to create something that the fans, what he considered family, could listen to and be inspired by. He wanted to continue to provide hope and support to everyone, to be a voice of change. 

But it's hard to provide hope and support when the only thing that really circles your mind is guilt. 

It wasn't that Tyler was experiencing writer's block. In fact, so many thoughts swirled in his mind that all he did was write, but it wasn't words of hope he wanted to make. Instead, they were one line confessionals, unspoken apologies.

Things he wasn't ready to face aloud. 

Josh, on the other hand, was constantly creating new song ideas. When he wasn't at home, he was at a practice space downtown, drumming his soul away into any rhythm he created. 

It almost made Tyler jealous, the way Josh could create sound without difficulty. He knew he could play any string of chords either the piano or the ukulele, but it just didn't satisfy Tyler. He needed meaning. 

Jealousy was always one of Tyler's greatest faults. In fact, it seemed to be a recurring emotion for him lately. 

 

It was the day after Christmas, and Tyler felt like it would be as good as a day as Christmas was. They visited their families, but decided that this year, they'd save the night of Christmas Eve to themselves. 

Opening presents was Josh's favorite part, and was a sight that made Tyler's heart swell with admiration. This year, Josh gave Tyler a custom Nintendo 64 controller,  a dotted button down, and another pair of floral Vans since his original pair had become torn. Tyler got him an engraved pair of drumsticks, dinosaur socks, a grey sweater, and a card that read " _i love you. i'll do whatever you want tonight_ ". Before they knew it, Tyler was doing whatever Josh wanted last night.

When Tyler woke up this morning, he was hoping to find himself cradled in the warmth only Josh can provide. Instead, he found himself in bed alone and sore from the previous night's activities. The aroma of dark roast coffee, Josh's favorite, lingered through the house. From the bed, he could hear Josh speaking to someone. 

"I wasn't expecting the snow to come down this heavy so soon, I really hope I can avoid a delay." 

Tyler glanced out the window, and sure enough, everything on the street was blanketed by snow. He saw his neighbor Kyle salting his driveway, and the Williams' kids making a snowman. The sun was nowhere to be seen. The only light came from the warm glow of a lamp on their nightstand. 

Deciding that now was a good time to get out of bed, Tyler sat up and stretched, yawning deeply. Along with the smell of coffee, the melody from Josh's favorite vinyl lingered in the house. Everything in the house was a part of Josh, and while it made Tyler's heart swell, it also reminded him of just how often he left the other boy alone in their house. 

He made his way to their dresser and slipped one of Josh's shirts over him, smiling to himself about how big it was compared to his small frame. Accompanied with everything else, Josh's shirt smelled of his cologne, and made Tyler feel as though he was suffocating in Josh.

Josh was sitting in the kitchen with his Macbook open in front of him and a cup of coffee next to him. It was in his favorite mug, one Tyler had bought him while they were on tour, that read " _You are my sunshine_ ". Tyler couldn't help but smile. 

"Deb, I've been looking since 9. I may have to fly in sooner." Josh says, eyes scanning flight prices and dates on the screen. Tyler's heart sank. Josh looked up, meeting Tyler's eyes, and smiled. "Oh, mornin' baby." 

Tyler didn't reply. Instead, he walked over to the fridge and grabbed a carton of orange juice. He could hear _her_ , her voice, bright and lively. It made him nauseous. 

"I'll keep looking, I'll let you know when I find something." Josh says, a smile growing on his face. Tyler can't stop staring. "I'll call you later, bye Deb." 

The melody continues to play, Josh continues to search for tickets before shutting off his Mac and closing it. 

"Did you sleep well baby?" Josh says, smiling warmly. He's wearing a black shirt and Star Wars pajama pants his sister bought him for Christmas. 

"Yeah, I'm a little sore from last night." Tyler replies, reminding himself that he has no right to be upset at Josh for something as little as petty jealousy. He smiles at Josh. 

"Told you, you were on my naughty list," Josh replies, giving Tyler a seductive look. Tyler laughs, feeling his jealousy fade.

Josh's phone vibrates against the table, with messages appearing as the vibration continues. He glances at his phone, smiling at the messages. Tyler grits his teeth, he knows it's her. He takes a drink of his orange juice, focusing on the melody to ease his feeling.

"So, you're seeing Debby then?" Tyler asks, watching Josh's phone continue to blow up with messages.

"Yeah, if I can find a suitable flight." Josh replies, taking a sip of his coffee. "I wish you would go with me. It'll be fun, baby."

"I'm scared I won't be good company," Tyler admits, eyes focused on the dark wood of their kitchen table. Tyler's never been a fan of Debby, but he tries hard to be civil to respect Josh.

But Tyler's never really been good at handling his emotions.

 

_They were spending the day in Houston, touring the city before their show. When Josh heard the news that Debby was in town, he begged Tyler if she could spend the day with them. He agreed, knowing well he wouldn't be too happy. As long as Josh was happy, that would be good enough for him._

_Tyler knew deep down that Josh loved him more than anyone, but that didn't soothe his jealousy. The more he paid attention to them, the more corrosive his jealousy became._

_After the show, the atmosphere in the bus changed. Everyone could sense it. Tyler refused to talk to Josh at all, despite how friendly they were acting on stage a few hours ago._

_He wasn't oblivious. Josh knew Tyler was jealous, but was surprised that he managed to let it get this far. After he showered, Josh made his way to the couch, sitting next to Tyler. Tyler didn't even acknowledge him._

_"Why won't you talk to me?" Josh asks, feeling a little hurt. Tyler hadn't talk to him all day, except for a few times on stage. But up there, it seemed more forced. "You let your jealousy take over and get so far, to the point where you choose to ignore me instead of just talking about it."_

_"I don't want to talk. I have nothing to talk about." Tyler snaps, getting up from the couch and walking to the bathroom. The door slams shut, and the sound of the shower begins. Josh sighs, running a hand through his hair._

_From the kitchen area, Mark steps in. "Want some Waffle Crisp?"_

_Mark pours himself and Josh a bowl, and sets it down on the table. Josh thanks him, grabbing spoons for the both of them, and sits down across from Mark. They eat in silence, with only the sound of the shower running between them._

_"Are you guys okay?" Mark asks, looking up at Josh. "I haven't seen Tyler this upset in a long time."_

_"Yeah, we're okay." Josh replies, biting the inside of his lip. He really hopes they're okay. "Tyler's jealousy can really change him into someone he's not, you know? I know he's never really liked Debby, but I didn't expect him to react this way. Did I do something wrong, Mark?"_

_"I didn't see anything I'd categorize as suspicious," Mark replies, setting his spoon along the side of his bowl. "I just hope you two can get past it, I know how rough shows can be when the feeling's not right."_

_"Yeah," Josh says, hearing the shower stop. "Thank you for this, I definitely gotta order more cereal for tour. Ty's almost out of Captain Crunch."_

_Tyler was laying in his bunk, staring aimlessly at his Twitter feed. Josh decided he didn't want to argue anymore, and climbed up to his bunk and closed the curtain._

_"I'm sorry I get so jealous, I just can't help it." Tyler says after a period of silence. He hears Josh shift in his bunk. "You're such a great guy, baby. Everyone knows it. I get so scared you'll find someone better than me. Debby's so nice, she's genuinely nice and I know she's been your best friend for a long time and I just get scared you'll choose her over me."_

_"I wouldn't choose anyone over you, Ty." Josh replies. "I told you I'm sticking with you through everything, and nothing will change that. I love you, baby. Please don't get worried about losing me, I promise you I'd never put anyone before you. I'm your missing pieces just as much as you are mine. I want you to talk to me about these things."_

_"Come down here," Tyler says, smiling once he hears the sound of the bunk curtain moving. "I missed you all day."_

_Josh holds Tyler throughout the night. Josh dreams of coming home to Tyler every night. Tyler dreams of Josh holding him through a storm._

 

Tyler wonders if Josh was ever jealous of someone; scared he'd lose Tyler as much as he's scared to lose Josh. 

"You know I'd never hurt you, or deceive you in any way. I love you too much, Ty. I want you to be there with me so you have nothing to worry about." Josh says, smiling wide. "I'd never lie to you either. The only lie I ever told you was that Mark ate the last box of Captain Crunch on the bus. It was actually me." 

Tyler knows he should laugh, he knows that he should be smiling and happy because Josh is nothing but honest and loyal to him. 

But all he can think of is the fact that he's done all those things to Josh, and Josh doesn't have a single clue. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends  
> remember when i said i'd be updating frequently because the semester's over? hahahaha  
> i don't know how i feel about this chapter ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh  
> can you tell i have a big crush on debby  
> anyways  
> i have the remainder of the story outlined, and i must say YIKES  
> i truly do appreciate the feedback and i promise to TRY to be quicker about updating  
> thank you thank you thank you ❤

**Author's Note:**

> hi  
> i've had this idea for a while, and i hope to update frequently  
> i hope you enjoy friends!  
> |-/


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